Watching the first episode of the 5 part documentary tv show, Earthflight.
My family is stressing me out. It’s kind of difficult to quit smoking when your family has that effect on you. It’s not a huge deal now, but will it be when I have to tell my husband and children that I have lung cancer because I smoked when I was younger? These are the weights in my mind. I’m not sure why I have them there. I am weak and I know it. Only the weak keep running away. I’ll go further, further. I’ll change my name, move out of the country. How can a family become this? Run aways and chain smokers. Maybe I learned it from them. Maybe I did.
"study of a male model 52", one-continuous-line-drawing by Boris Schmitz, 2014
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I sleep all day cause I can’t help but want to stay smashed between awake and unconscious just to dream and explore this state of reality. All I do is sleep.
My handwriting looks different than I remember. I haven’t written in a long time and I forgot how emotional it was.
"Marry your best friend. I do not say that lightly. Really, truly find the strongest, happiest friendship in the person you fall in love with. Someone who speaks highly of you. Someone you can laugh with. The kind of laughs that make your belly ache, and your nose snort. The embarrassing, earnest, healing kind of laughs. Wit is important. Life is too short not to love someone who lets you be a fool with them. Make sure they are somebody who lets you cry, too. Despair will come. Find someone that you want to be there with you through those times. Most importantly, marry the one that makes passion, love, and madness combine and course through you. A love that will never dilute - even when the waters get deep, and dark."
"Be happy with what you have while working for what you want."